Can you believe the crap that has overtaken country radio in the last ten years?
I didn't really think they could go any lower, but this new duet by faith & tim shows us the degradation that now is Nashville professional songwriting. Not to mention the complete vacuousness and phoniness of the celebrities who are now installed as "artists".
I've had enough. I used to like country songwriting. It used to be a beacon of conciseness, authenticity, and yes, poetry. Think of some of the best songs of the 90's:
- Nothing but the wheel - Patty Loveless, written by John Scott Sherrill
- Ghost in this house - Shenandoah, written by Hugh Prestwood
- Somewhere in my broken heart - Randy Travis, written by Billy Dean and Richard Leigh
Now listen to this piece of kitch that is called "I need you".
In the first place, it's a ripoff of an old song called... oh, I don't know... "I need you" by America. That song said I need you, like the flower needs the rain, Like the winter needs the spring. It wasn't a great song - the poetry was trite, but the music was hypnotic and it did well in the 70's. Let it rest in peace.
But this new song. This isn't poetry. This is the new thing that Nashville songwriters get together at their 11:45 am meetings and crank out on their laptops. This is writing whose sole purpose is to create the illusion of poetry. To create a pseudo feeling of reverence. To confuse the viewers with nonsense so they'll all sigh as they watch the incredibly narcissistic video.
Consider this line: I need you like a needle needs a vein. That almost sounds like poetry, doesn't it? Almost makes you think of Neil Young... who was a poet, once. But no. Think about it. How does a needle need a vein? It needs it so it can pierce it and thereby do awful things to the owner of that vein -- at least that's true in the addiction context that our brilliant writers have evoked earlier in the song [proudly asserting that "cowboys" have some kind of monopoly on wanting to drink and smoke]. Okay, so I need you in order to penetrate you and harm you. Gives me the shivers, how about you? Gee, do you think the writers actually thought about the line, or did they just go, "Yeah! That has the right sound." Why did they think it was right? Because it's backwards, silly! 'Cause really we all know it's the vein that needs the needle. And they think that backwards = clever, and that clever is likely to be mistaken for... poetic.
Then there is the fatuous line: I need you like a lighthouse needs the coast. What were you thinking, boys? Does a lighthouse even need the coast? I think if a lighthouse needs anything it needs a lost ship, a boat that may go astray if it doesn't get warned that dangerous rocks are lurking. (Of course that too is backwards, it's the damn boat that needs the lighthouse, but there you go!) Why would a lighthouse need a whole coast? If the existence of a coast required a lighthouse, there would have to be lighthouses basically lining the whole coast. If you stood on your favorite beach you would just see a long line of lighthouses. Then what would the poor landscape painters do?
But our two geniuses came up with a better line than any of these. Tony Lane and David Lee, you wrote this line. I am only quoting it. Here I go.
I need you... Like the Father and the Son need the Holy Ghost. Oh come on! You just had to do it, didn't you?
On the list of Things We Can Crassly and Calculatedly Mention In A Song That Are Guaranteed To Press The "I love the South and the rest of the country sucks" Button in a Listener so Their Bigotted Loyalties will Force Them to Like the Song, this must be very near the top. If you want Bush voters to have no choice but to adore your song, if you want them to have that warm us against them, we are the only honest, real folks feeling, you have to draw from this list.
On it are:
- small towns
- granddad
- tractors - preferably John Deere, must be green
- soldiers
- the flag
- foreigners - but keep it wary
- not understanding highfalutin' people
- how it's noble to be working, no matter what your lousy job is
- cowboys - and this one is rich, or big and rich, 'cause none of these guys are cowboys, except George Strait who shall not be included in any of this
- Texas
- Oklahoma - oh, that's in this song too!
- Tennessee
[If you want to see this same list set to music, take a look at a little song called "Something to be proud of", a song that was co-written by Jeffrey Steele, who has done more than any other person to render Nashville songwriting completely insincere - as well as melodically repulsive.]
Oh, and one more thing is on that list: churches. Religion. Doesn't matter if you ever go to church yourself or believe any of it, just put it in your song and they have to nod. But you guys, our Dave and Tony, you really piled it on. The father and son need the holy ghost. If there is one thing that I am sure almost no Christian understands, it is this. What the heck is the holy ghost and why do the other two need him? Mary needed the holy ghost, to make her pregnant, it says in the Bible. Apparently the holy ghost brings semen to the table. Maybe you boys should have said, "I need you, like Mary needs the holy ghost", or since you're putting everything backwards, how about, "like the holy ghost needs Mary". Now that would really ring the clever bell!! But why do the father and son, who are really the same person anyway, need the darn ghost? I guess Tony and David meant that Tim needs Faith to complete the holy trinity that is Tim, Faith, and... Hm. There's only two of them. Do you suppose Tony and David forgot to think about this line, too? That they just put it in to get the religion vote? Could they be that crass?
Didn't Tony Lane once write a good song? I'm sure he did.
But then, so did Jeffrey Steele.
